Thursday, March 26, 2009

i just need a place to vent.
I feel so helpless. Struggling with Realism.
Writing a 2000 word essay - but feeling like if I should include everything I think should be included, it'll go up to 4000.
Remembering the times he said 'Answer the question' and wondering if I had according to his criteria, recalling the times he said 'You'll get an epiphany' and wondering why I hadn't and what I'm doing all wrong.

I need my epiphany NOW.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

you know, someday, i should sit down and write about what i miss about singapore xD

right now, i miss the feeling of the sun on my shoulders and in my hair. i miss the smell of fresh grass and rain during thunderstorms. i miss taking cold showers and not shivering when i step out. i miss the warmth and i miss summer clothes. i can wear shorts or skirts or three-quarters or jeans - and not have to worry about the weather or if i can stand wearing this little when i go shopping. i don't have to stroll along the streets, seeing grey coats, olive-green coats, black coats - and staring at my own dull coat - every single day - the same look. i don't have to battle with blustery winds trying to obscure my view with my very messy hair.

and i don't have to think about how i'll soon leave all this behind - for good.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

this barrage of posts just means i have work to do.
it comes in waves - the posts- when i'm forced to do readings, that's what i end up doing.

that's what i liked about math or science, cos i could always sit down and work out stuff, and every answer i get, is like one question nearer to the end. readings? the more u do, the more you have to read to understand... you'll never understand the whole picture. there's always a selection bias. i hand in every essay, wondering and wondering if i did well. science? it's right... or wrong xD somehow i don't want my essays to be just 'right' but also 'mature' or 'insightful'. something more...

that's what i liked about studying japanese, cos i could sit down and plow through the grammar, (and admire my handwriting -.- and trying to see how i could refine it) or translation is fun too. omg don't tell my class that - they'll hate me. finding the exact word that fits the context, feeling how the various words mesh together to form a coherent story. basking in the satisfaction that you've produced a meaningful concept out of unintelligible words :D

well.. better get down to wondering what the end of the cold war meant for neo/realism.

Friday, March 13, 2009

It's Friday the 13th.

May not mean much to most but it brings back memories :)
I miss you, nic and rui :(
But now, we've all grown up.

Well, anyway, I just want to say I felt really unlucky today. Beginning from 12am last night, when I felt miserable about my essay and realised that I needed to get this core text which is £30 (second hand with scribblings on the margin and the edges cut off or something) JUST for the essay. So, despite the readings that i've done already, and the 4 heavy books i checked out, i decided to change topic. Slept at 3am.

Woke up at 8, then 8.30, then 8.40am and forced myself out of bed to do readings for tutorials today. hastily read and then left for class. in class, we're supposed to analyse this speech, and i got it all wrong (i bet the guy i analysed the text with HATES me) and then in my next class, while we were having discussions, the window smashed down and broke. it was like really dramatic -.- windows here, by the way, open upwards. So it came crashing down and the impact shattered the glass. No one was near, but hey, these things don't happen everyday.

So i went shopping for a present for Bridie cos it's her birthday tomorrow. and after dumping all the things on the counter and watching her scan them, i realised i have NO wallet -.- ok so while preoccupied with all these things on my mind, i walked out onto the road and nearly got hit by a truck -.- embarrasssing. so i came home, and napped until now. i will start on my essay. i will.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i've been into fashion lately.
well, not exactly.

more like i've realised i need to dress better! i feel like such a dweeeeb. it's hannah's fault xD hannah is this really cool fashion blogger, and she also happens to be in all my tutorials last year. and as expected, she dresses really fashionably every single day. i mean, i have days when i 'get it right', but usually it's just top-denimskirt and go. maybe it's cos i have a very unfashionable coat (which i have to wear everyday) or maybe it's cos i have very plain clothes and i don't dare to try new things like high-waisted skirt. hannah makes high-waisted skirts look so natural and classy. and me? i bet i'll just look fat. speaking of which, i'm getting fat! like FAT-FAT! cos i haven't been doing any exercise, i.e. i haven't gotten out of my couch, except to get into my bed and sleep. lol. maybe it's cos i need an exciting pair of boots. and a major wardrobe overhaul.

ahhh. i want new clothes xD

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

bneo's a tv star xD
i was err watching this japanese drama after finishing one essay (and before i start on the next) and the main character reminds me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much of bneo. who would have thought bneo would become a hot japanese guy xD
[disclaimer: i'm not crazy over bneo. ]

basically, the drama's called 'tantei gakuen Q' which means umm detective school Q o_O i don't get the Q part cos it doesn't feature in the show at all. omg. it does. ok.. basically bneo's charater is called kyuu - you know, Q/ kyuu - hahaha! i just realised lol. and like he's this really sweet, happy-go-lucky and smart guy. but i like the other guy better - ryuu. ryuu is like really smart, very cool kinda guy and a little mysterious o_O but he's cute. omg. but i bet they're like 12 or something, they look freaking young. the girl is really chio. i'm so jealous. to look so chio without like much make-up on tv is not an easy thing to do, i should imagine. she must be gorgeous when she grows up. the mysteries are a bit.. err obvious.. shall i say? haha! well, and not particularly realistic either because of this strange hypnotist guy (who is related to ryuuuu xD)

ok. i'm not crazy over bneo. i must repeat xD
err i'm more interested in ummm hans j. morgantheau... :(

ok i shall start on my next essay *gulps*

PS pleaseee someone, go watch at least the first part of the show and tell me if u think kyuu looks like bneo toooo!!! aH.