Monday, November 24, 2008

From a guy I always thought to be burly and bearded and gruff and grouchy just because that's how his picture looked like in some book of poems:
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
It's Lord Alfred Tennyson by the way.

'Loved and lost' - strange how the two words go together so well. How many quotes have you heard with 'loved and lost' - just google it. Or songs about 'loved and lost' - like S Club 7?

Just yesterday, I've a friend telling me about how her cousin got wedded in a beautiful scottish church to his very first love. And today, another tells me about how her boyfriend just told her he's bringing an Californian girl in to live with him. A pretty girl told me once how she never had a boyfriend, just because she's scared to lose. But we all are afraid to lose, aren't we? And thinking back about past relationships, as I grew older, don't we all start a relationship thinking about how we might lose it?

I'm really happy where I am now.
But sometimes I wonder, what do you do with all the odds and ends of your history? Do you just throw away the ring he gave you to mark your love just as he trashed your love? Do you just keep all the love letters in a box that you will never want to open again for fear of the reminders of false promises and glittery words? Or do you just wear those pretty earrings and pretend that they don't come attached to pretty memories long gone? How do you tell a friend to just forget her boyfriend if he had been a bastard - if everything you do reminded you of him? Should you not go to the cafe where both of you always lunched? Should you not go watch the movie at the cinema both of you loved? Should you not cook or eat his favourite food that you used to all the time just because he loved it? Should you take a different path home because he had always walked you down this path, whispering sweet nothings to you and telling you he'll hold your hands forever? Every time it hurts more, and the scar lingers on. I think of it like the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Everyone significant leaves his imprint on you, a mark of glorious history, yet one that mars the smooth concrete pavement anyway - one that is but a ghost of a history, one that's not really there. The stars walk on, their imprints stay.

Every time I want to tell my friend that everything is alright, I know that it isn't, or that she should just dump him, I know that it's difficult and that she'll still hurt for a long time.
So what can I do for her but to stay silent and pray that everything goes well?

Monday, November 17, 2008

xin has been brainwashed by her essay and is robbed of her ability to write intellectually.
but xin still wants to write... about heroes.

If you're a hero you can be an idiot, behave badly, ruin your personal life, have any number of mistresses and talk about yourself all the time, and nobody minds. Heroes are immune.
- Jeanette Winterson

xin wants to be a hero.
when she was young, she thought she could be a hero.
she thought she could not-brush her teeth at night, and have sparkly white teeth
she thought she could play hop-scotch all day long, and have grade As
she thought she didn't have to try, and still have friends
she thought the world was one straight path, and she could just walk on and on.

but when she grew up, she realized that there are so many heroes in the world, and they are the ones who can do whatever they like... but she wasn't one.

xin still wants to be a hero.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

xin has lost interest in talking intellectually about universal human rights 'simply in virtue of being human'. xin has delved into the more practical realm of international political realm and feeling very perplexed at the intricate realities of the real world. yes. the real world.

xin has stupidly, for curiousity's sake, picked an extremely difficult question for a person with no economic background and very little knowledge about global economy (but xin thought it would make good revision for exams anyway?) xin picked a historical question.

xin can't remember the question.
something like: how well does the mercantilist approach explain the post-war international political economic development?

Xin's History of Mercantilism
Adam Smith, our favourite Scottish (all Scottish things are our favourite things) supposedly free-trade - we might discuss that some other time - but just remember, supposedly free-trade, guy, talked about the mercantile system, relating it to merchant activities of the 16-17th century. BASICALLY, mercantilists believe in national interest, and according to Smith anw, beggar-thy-neighbour policies. THe world economy is a zero-sum game, and if you lose, I win =D yay! in the past, what states did was to export as much as possible (hence earning foreign, or as HObbes would say, Forraign, money) and import as little as possible (hence preventing the outflow of money!) And money in those times, tended to refer to precious metals like GOLD! cos gold is durable and rare... that will work, except every other (European anyway) state was doing the same, so what they brilliantly did, was to invade! Massive Expansion into the South and went into a mad, rapacious dash to colonize as much as they possibly can. Sure, there was short-term economic expenses, but in return, (they thought) they received long-term power and economic gains. so they exploit all our (speaking on behalf of my fellow colonialised people) natural wealths and they sell as much manufactured goods (which they produce using our raw materialS) to us as possible.

At least until our beloved Adam Smith came along... He says free trade is gain for all! Stop your silly unnecessary warfare and TRADE! He spent a majority of his The Wealth of Nations denouncing mercantilistic policies. And so we believed him... until the World Wars!

The world became a mess of self-interested, paranoid states who only wanted to protect themselves, usually at the expense of others =) Then the Allies and the US thought: why not form an institution so we can coordinate our policies once more. and to cushion domestic fears about economic troubles, we can have domestic autonomy coupled with free international trade. While Smith says, just let the market govern everything, the postwar leaders reasoned states will take part if they feel they can at least have control over their own states' welfare. Thus, the Bretton Woods convention... and this is where my essay will have to begin o_O

Xin knows that her history sense is rather... appalling, shall we say... Xin just hopes she'll survive this essay and not do too badly. Anyone? Anyone at all who's brilliant at economics and want to discuss Mercantilism (or Neo-mercantilism) with me, please contribute =( i don't know how, to be honest.. since my chatterbox is dead as usual.

xin wonders if her human rights essay sounded much more professional than this.
Guess I'm just not cut out for Economics...