xin has been brainwashed by her essay and is robbed of her ability to write intellectually.
but xin still wants to write... about heroes.

If you're a hero you can be an idiot, behave badly, ruin your personal life, have any number of mistresses and talk about yourself all the time, and nobody minds. Heroes are immune.
- Jeanette Winterson

xin wants to be a hero.
when she was young, she thought she could be a hero.
she thought she could not-brush her teeth at night, and have sparkly white teeth
she thought she could play hop-scotch all day long, and have grade As
she thought she didn't have to try, and still have friends
she thought the world was one straight path, and she could just walk on and on.

but when she grew up, she realized that there are so many heroes in the world, and they are the ones who can do whatever they like... but she wasn't one.

xin still wants to be a hero.