haven't posted for a month.. doesn't seem like it.. and soon, i'll be back in edinburgh..
let's hope it'll be a gd yr..

honestly i haven't been blogging cos my life was -that- unexciting.
i complain abt the guys, and yet, it seems i'm the one who's living my life aimlessly. day after day of routine. a certain reluctance to get out of the house. disgusted at how fat i am everyday, and then, finding excuses not to run or swim everyday. i immerse myself in the world of tv dramas and fantasy novels, never thinking about my life, never doing the things i keep putting off. i'm like that. ever since i've moved (2 yrs ago) i haven't unpacked fully. i havne't thrown away my A-level stuff. all the trinkets i've accumulated over the past 2 decades. windchimes-mugs-photoframes-cards-letters-notes-postcards-souveniers-decorative pieces.
there's so much to do. pack what i need for next yr, check my bank account, ensure my house will be there before i return... i duno what else.

ok i think i'm just a bit emo cos of the show hy lent me.. it's good really. i'm just emo. maybe it's late and maybe cos i've been so carelessly drifting for the past year?maybe longer?

i duno what exactly i gleaned from the show. i just know it made me cry a lot - every time someone dies. haha so embarrassing but it's true. i duno why either. really i dun. but the show makes u think. sometimes it's not as easy as having a win-win situation, or even having a win-lose situation. i guess i never considered this: a lose-lose situation. what do u do then? hy n px would noe what i'm talking about i guess. what do u do if u're a fireman who has to save fires to prevent more people from dying, and in aiming to do so, u have to neglect all the wounded & vulnerable all around u, whom u noe u can save should u choose to stop and send them to the hospital. but what if u can't, cos u noe there's a fire waiting for u to be saved, houses to be destroyed should u but hesitate a second. duno if i'm making sense.. guess u guys gotta watch the show.. it's a jap drama 'emergency room 24 hours'.

today's my dad's bday! happy birthday. i duno why i've never noticed him being so happy before. i think he's like that every yr. just a simple cake, a few handmade cards, and presents all in the same wrapper, a simple song, just the 5 of us. and he smiles like it's the best thing that ever happened to him. maybe i ought to be more observant...

i don't think i can slp tonight.. i just wish someone would keep me company...